So that's where I put it

5 days to the mid-term elecitions

2006-11-02T20:22:05Z

I don't tend to get political on here, but, goddammit. The US soldier death toll stands, as of now, at 2,819. The wounded count is about 20,500. Get the muthafuckin' vote out.

stupidstupidstupid and, oh yeah, FUCK QDOBA!!

2006-09-09T03:04:58Z

So, last week I went to Qdoba for lunch. Used debit card because didn't have enough cash on me. End up fucking up and overpaying a bill, borrow $40 from dad so i can pay my rent, deposit $40, check acct balance then give rent check to landlord, and forget all about it. Check acct today. FUCKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Goddamn muthafuckin' qdoba didn't withdraw money until 4 business days after purchase!!!! My muthafuckin rent check bounced yesterday and now, because I THOUGHT I had exactly the necessary amount to cover rent in the acct, I am fucked. Because I am now being charged $31 by the bank for a bounced check AND I'll be charged $25 by my landlord for the bounced check. I just sold off a bunch of my stuff (INCLUDING my boombox, only source of tunes!!) to have a couple bucks in my pocket until next payday (sept 29TH!!!!!). I will be 100% broke for the next four weeks. I need to call the bank and BEG for leniency and have them knock the bounced check fee off (fat cance of that happening!).

Goddamnit, if only I'd checked my acct before now!!!!

I hate being a grownup.

HAH! Perfect!

2006-07-02T18:54:37Z

Why is this funny? Because it is.

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

All the Gappy Glory!!!

2006-06-18T22:59:47Z

Here is Spot's new gappy glory!! She's lost her first tooth, she's a big girl now (holy crap where did the time go?). Ignore the red bumps, she's managed to get poison ivy EVERYWHERE.

Mommie's Little Monster

2005-11-02T05:27:15Z

We had a blast trick or treating. Spot was thrilled that she managed to scare some kids with hers. Although she did get mad when people called her cute. She'd say "I'm not cute, I'm SCARY!!"

Update on dogbite

2005-07-09T06:08:02Z

Thanks everyone for your well-wishes for my nephew! He has on puncture on his ass, and he was feeling great today, so that's a good thing. Also, big surprise, the owners actually did have rabies tags (though WHY on earth they were on the collar is beyond me). I HATE irresponsible pet owners. They give everyone a bad name. My brother has a pitbull who is the sweetest thing, her and Spot are like best friends. Of course, my brother is a responsible pet owner and made sure that she was ~well~ socialized from the minute he got her. If you have a dog that you know bites, be responsible and fucking muzzle it anytime it's outside (especially at a playground!!). The big cage muzzles are great, as they allow the dog to pant normally if it's hot, and even drink from a bowl (so long as it's deep enough). Nephew is now very leery around strange dogs, he practically jumped out of his skin when a dog (behind a tall fence) barked at him today. Can't really blame him.

SIL talked to her friend in London and Eugenie, big goofball that she is, is more upset that she lost her new Fendi bag with her fancy french make-up than her arm being banged up.

London burning....

2005-07-08T00:56:03Z

What a fucking shock to wake up to. I have now heard from everyone I know there (via email, as the phones are fucked from the huge verload), all are okay, so I feel tons better. My SIL was able to IM with her buddy who is currently in Scotland visiting his family (he and wife live in London), and found out that his wife was injured (something with her arm, a big chunk missing out of the triceps area) but that she will be okay. He was trying to get a hold of everyone that way, and was having good success (again, the phones are fucked). He was having trouble booking anything to London, so last we heard his uncle was going to drive him!!

Oh, and my nephew just got taken to the hospital about 45 minutes ago by SIL because a dog (huge rottweiller, too) bit him on the ass at the playground (property of some of the scum up the street). From what I saw, he only has one puncture wound, and not too deep a one (thank GOD it didn't tear any, tearing from dogbites is horrendous, as I saw with my brother who almost lost an eye). I went down to the owners house immediately and asked for the dogs rabies tag #'s and liscense numbers, but, surprise surprise, the wife said "Oh, my husband knows where that stuff is, it'll have to wait til he gets home." What a load of fucking shit. I guarantee that these people 1. do not have theire dogs liscenced, and 2. don't have rabies shots. I told wifey that, according to policy at hospitals, the police and animal control would be called. I fucking knew they wouldn't have any of that shit, it'd be too much to ask that people be responsible pet owners. The dog will most likely be quarantined for 10 days (I hope the hospital is willing to wait on doing the rabies exposure series until the quarantine comes back, because the post exposure series sucks giant ass). Fuck.

Moved a month ago

2005-04-20T01:19:18Z

Let me just say, I HATE moving!! Me and Spot now live with my ex-SIL and 8 year old nephew, and our place is awesome. It took this long for us to get internet access (boooooo!) so I am completely out of touch with everyone.

I am exhausted, so I'm going to bed! Will give a less crap update later.

Got contacts

2005-02-27T23:16:56Z

About 2 weeks ago. Thank god, because I have always hated wearing glasses. I am hell on them. Seriously, I ALWAYS get a warranty on them, because I am sure to use it several times over the course of a year.

I need to win the lottery. I'm sick of working. I like what I do, don't get me wrong, but I get tired of dealing with the bullcrap. And, now that Spot is in school, SAHMing wouldn't be quite like SAHMing. I dunno, perhaps I just have a bad case of ennui. Maybe it's winter-funk.

Stolen from

2005-02-13T22:09:13Z

List 5 fictional or entertainment-industry people -- from television, movies, books, whatever -- that you had a crush on as a child (or early teens). Then post this on your LiveJournal so other people can be assured that you're as weird as they thought.

Billy Idol. I would watch MTV just WAITING for "Dancing With Myself" to come on (I was maybe 7 or 8). Shit, I would still like to get some Billy lovin'!!

Mike Ness in Another State of Mind, where he's in the bathroom getting ready for a show and smears the mascara/eyeliner all down his face (I couldn't find a screencap of that scene; my brother had this movie, and I must have watched it a thousand times!!)

Corey Feldman a la Stand By Me

John Cryer beginning with him as Duckie "Pretty in Pink" (that bitch should have picked him, I mean, c'mon, really, who wants to date a guy with the name "Blaine"?!?!?!)

Anthony Michael Hall

and, as ever, John Cusack

Did my taxes!!!

2005-01-29T02:37:44Z

I did my taxes tonight, I am so on the fucking ball!!

The FIRST thing I am going to do when I get my return is pay for a lawyer to change Spot's last name to mine. I have wanted to do this almost since I filled out her birth certificate, but just haven't gotten around to it/lacked the motor-vation to get it done until now. But, since this shit with biodad and that she is learning her name in school (she is convinced her last name is the same as mine anyhow), I NEED to get this done ASAP. I am going to feel sooooooooooo relieved when I finally get it done!!

I need to get a vehicle. I have given up my dream of new-car ownership, and I will settle for new-to-me car ownership (my credit is still too fucked, though it is getting better). I am sicksicksick of taking the fucking bus everywhere. It is too damn cold for it, and I hate being at the mercy of mass transit.

My brother and "the void", as I like to call her, had a major falling out (she is completely psycho), so he has moved in, with dog. BUT, he has spent the last two nights back at her place. He needs to just get the fuck away from her, she is just fucking his shit up totally, up to and including his relationship with his son. Last weekend my nephew told me was the best one he spent with his dad in a long time, mostly due to the fact that the void was nowhere to be seen or heard. Bro needs to wake up and figure out where his priorities are.

I had the flu this week, bad enough that I 1) left work early Tuesday and 2) called off on Wednesday. I NEVER call off sick. But no one blamed me, as they saw how fucking ill I was on Tuesday (in fact, a couple people said "Go HOME!! I don't wanna get what you have!!"). Of course, the girl who is supposed to cover my site did, as usual, a complete fuck-off shit job. I swear, it's really beginning to piss me off. 3 weeks after starting this job, I was forced to assume coverage of what is now her site AND mine for 3 months, with NOOOOO help (or training on her site). She has BUCKETS of help (another story altogether), but she can't even send out 5 notification emails???? And she earns the same as me. How fucked up is that? But, other than that, work is actually going great, my boss is loving me (as he wasn't before, for some reason), due in no small part to the fact that I have an amazing ability to streamline operations and cut down on the bullshit. YAY me!!

I have one good work friend, so I am happy. I am dreading this May, when another coworker is getting married. I know she will be inviting everyone, and I will have to go, if only to "keep the peace" at work. I am thinking that I am gonna invite Nikki, as we are ALWAYS each other's "wedding date". We both hate dressing up (and wearing dresses), so we bitch and complain and get hammered on free booze, then escape to as skanky a bar as possible, just to get some of the "posh taint" off of us HEH!!!

I've realized that I always post these really LONG posts. I seem to be incapable of the one-liner blog. Ah well, everyone loves a long boring story.

No business like snow business

2005-01-23T01:27:37Z

Snow. On my day off. This sucks. See, I have baaaaad luck on snow. Everytime I've gone skiing or snowboarding, I've gotten injured. The last time I went sledding, I busted my nose and dislocated two fingers. The only car accident I've ever been in (I was a passenger), was caused by snow. Every other year, I manage to either bruise or fracture my tailbone, ankle, or wrist slipping on ice and/or snow. And, I hate the cold. So I am not a happy camper.

In other news, Spots biodad hasn't been heard from since he dropped a tiny bag of stuff (his hat, scarf and mittens his mom crocheted for him as a kid which he stole from her, a tshirt 2 sizes too small for spot, and a crappy comic book he wrote a letter to me in using a highlighter) off on my porch, rang the doorbell, and ran away.

I have been speaking regularly with the boy I like on the phone, but between the weather and him starting a new job, timing has just been crappy for trying to get together. I'm getting discouraged, but I dunno, things really have been too impossible to allow for a get together. Dammit!!

I have a doctors appt on the 8th, and I am going to have him draw blood for a ton of tests (thyroid levels, cholesterol, etc) and I want to be screened for PCOS. This weight thing is just not right, and, the more I read about it, I have a lot of symptoms of PCOS. I am also going to go back on birth control, seeing as I actually have an interest in "doing" things with someone other than Mr. Buzzy, after 2+ years of be stranded on No-Nookie Island (I also had some serious issues after my LEEP with intimate touch, so much so that I didn't even masturbate for 6 months, out of some irrational fear of causing the cancer to come back).

It's a slight risk (because of my cancer) I am willing to take so that I don't get pregnant unexpectedly. I will just be very careful to take my folic acid supplements in addition to my daily multivitamin (which will reduce the bad effects to almost nothing. ALL women on hormonal birth control should take folic acid supplements anyhow, as it inhibits absorption of this oh so vital nutrient). Yeah, there are other methods, but, hormonal is the one that I like and am most comfortable with. IUD's just scare me, and, after all that my poor cervix has been through, I don't want to mess with that area of my body in any way. And, being allergic to latex, my condom choices are SEVERELY limited (I do NOT want to ever again experience THAT particular allergic reaction in THAT region, OWWWWWWW). That kills diaphragms, cervical caps, and female condoms. Spermicides make me break out in a rash in that area. And, because of my wacky cycles, the rhythm method is OUT (not to mention I just don't trust it with something that important.

I am going to go for Lunelle again, I LOVED that shit, a once a month shot (which I gave to myself, saving the need to even go to the doctors office). I had NO bad side effects from that one (in fact, I ended up only getting a 3 day period every 2-3 months, which was also awesome), unlike ortho-tricyclen, which, contrary to the commercials, made my skin break out something fierce (AND gain weight, which I definitely do NOT need!!). It was actually the only oral BC that caused those effects. I could do others again, but I really liked the convenience of just once a month shots (NOT depo, that made me bleed for six months straight).

Update and thanks

2005-01-07T03:30:46Z

Thanks everyone for their responses, they are helping me feel a bit better, not so alone with this.

I don't have any sort of custody paperwork, which I should do something about, but her school is very strict about letting the kids go to anyone who is not on the list (they have to be signed in and out each day, and I only have my brothers, mother, and friend on the list for her, and her teacher has met all of them on more than one occasion). And, other than school, my mom is the one who provides care afterschool, and she HATES him. Should he ever show up, she plans on calling the police first and my brother second (he wants to kill asshole, and asshole is SCARED of him).

Spot is going to a friends house for the weekend, and asshole does NOT know where she lives, and has no way of finding out. I won't get to spend much time with her, which sucks, but I feel much better knowing she isn't where he could find her, and Spot LOVES spending time at "Aunt" Shell's with her "cousins".

He apparently lives in Atlanta now (his mom lives outside of Atlanta) and is just up here until Sunday or Monday, so I think this weekend away will be for the best.

He was supposed to call me at 5 today to talk some more, but of course, being the full of shit liar that he is, he didn't call, which I am MORE than happy with.

I really thought all this drama was done and over with. My poor stomach has been in knots since yesterday. I was tired of it years ago, and I am not pleased to be forced to feel this way again (I did go to work, but Spot stayed with my mom today rather than going to school because she had a fever off and on starting last night and throughout today).

You know, Spot has NEVER asked me about her father, never a "Where's my daddy?" or "I want a daddy" or anythng like it. She told me once, at the beginning of the school year, "Some people have Mommy's and Daddy's, and some people have Mommy's, and some people have foster-mommies, and I like my family."

The fucking asshole

2005-01-06T01:29:45Z

Holy fuck. I just got off of the phone with the ex. I have not heard from him in over three years, a fact which he didn't realize when I pointed out that he had made no attempt at finding out how Spot i doing, and he sdaid "It's only been 2 years." Um, asshole, the last time you saw her was on her first birthday, and she is now four, that makes it 3 years!!!!!!!!!

He wants to see her. Yeah. I told him no fucking way in hell. He seemed to have trouble understanding why.Could it be that, the last time I spoke to him, he told me "I'll come and get her and you'll never see her again"?!?!?!?!?!?! GGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

He said he wanted to be a part of her life, because he is her father. I told him that he has not earned the privelege of being her father, and he never would. I agreed to talk to him some tomorrow, because I said I would have to think LOOONNNGG and hard about even letting him see her, if ever. He finally seemed to get it a tiny bit when I explained that she is an extraordinarily happy and well-adjusted little girl, and I do not want her to get hurt, and having someone she doesn't even know pop into her life and try to be her "dad" only to disappear would be horrible for her.

UGH. Why the fuck is he trying to do this now? He needs to just go away and stay away for good. I knwo why he is doing this, it's because he feels bad and he wants to make himself feel better (which would be very typical for him, and he just about said as much). I'm afraid to even go to work tomorrow, I DO NOT NEED THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!

He is scum. He is a fuck. I hate him, and I do not want him to be within 100 yards of MY daughter because I just cannot, will not, ever trust him. I REFUSE to allow her to get hurt, and how on earth would I explain to a 4 year-old why (when he gets sick of pretending to be a parent) he is gone? I've seen too many friends and friends children hurt by EXACTLY this type of shit. Nuh-uh, no way, not gonna happen.

The ONE thing I told him after I kicked him out was "I REQUIRE you to be in her life, to behave like a father towards her" and he ran off as soon as he got the chance. He even fucking told about when welfare made me try to go for child support about how his job at the time got the papers and he quit the next day so they couldn't garnish his wages!!! This is THE reason why I will NEVER go back on welfare. I BEGGED them to not try to get money from him, I did not want ANYTHING from him but his abscence, but they of course just didn't give a shit.

I am just so angry right now, there's just no words for how angry I am.

New years eve (DUH!)

2005-01-01T00:19:00Z

Spot is back from her trip to see the great-grannies, she had a blast, but they cut the trip one day short because she has a cold, not that I saw any sign of illness, except for a tiny cough. I swear my mother is a spaz, she kept telling me on the phone when I'd call "She needs to got to the doctor." Puh-leaze, you'd think the woan hadn't had 6 kids of her own. I am not dragging the kid to the doctors office, paying the copay, only to be told "It's a virus, she'll be fine". ESPECIALLY not when she is showing NO sign of feeling sick at all, just running around and playing, talking, and all her normal stuff. Hell, when she got RSV at 1, they didn't do crap for her. Not to mention, she may be mildly sick now, but after going to the doctors office and being around all the sickies, she'd certainly end up sick afterwards.

Spot is at a friends house for the night, so me and Nikki are going out!!!!!!!! YEAH! We're going to the 31st Street Pub to see the Cheats, Submachine, and the Science Fiction Idols (I don't hate this band, they just do NOTHING for me). Should be funfunfunfunfun!!

I got the overtime I worked in November, so this paycheck was a good $200-300 more than usual, which rocks! I can't wait to get my overtime from December, it's going to be INSANE! I'm caught up on all my bills, and and next month I'll actually e a little ahead, which is ALWAYS a good thing. Gotta love breathing room, finance-wise.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!!!

Merry Xmas

2004-12-25T01:39:27Z

Merry Xmas everyone!! Well, did the whole xmas thing today. I cooked, everyone ate, we opened presents (except for the "Santa" presents for Spot and my nephew). I dunno, I'm just underwhelmed this year. And I feel a bit disappointed. Not really sure why. I'm usually pretty darn happy this time of year, but I have a serious case of the blahs this year.

I have a lot to be thankful for, so I don't really get it.

Everyone should see this

2004-11-28T17:11:11Z

A friend was recently re-deployed to Iraq. I'm so scared for him and his family. They don't believe that this war is just. They feel betrayed by the President. That a sacred trust has been boken. I am not religious, and I do not pray, but those of you who are, please pray for his safe return. His 2 year-old daughter needs her daddy, his wife needs her husband, his mother needs her son, and I need my friend.

http://www.hategun.com/features/getoverit/

Ho hum

2004-11-19T01:45:29Z

Things have been insane at work, so I haven't really done much to write about (even though I am sure people just LOVE to hear me bitch about work, heh).

Spot has been loving school, and she is just doing so well, I'm about to burst with pride. They have screenings at school and the lady who did Spot thinks she may have a "communication" issue, because she apparently lisps now and then. I just think it's laughable, because she speaks better than any other kid in her class (several kids are more than a year older than her). The funny thing is, she only has had this lisp since she started school and became best friends with Messiah, who has a wicked bad lisp. And, she only does it at school. So I am not worried about it in the least.

I cannot wait for this week to be done. Our inspection will be finished and work will settle down and I'll get home at a decent time again.

Am I truly so wrong about america?

2004-11-04T01:55:41Z

Was my faith in the basic intelligence and goodnes of the "Murican" people misplaced? Are people in this country really so blind? Are they so easily led by the nose? I used to believe not, and I am mad that now I question this. I always believed we were a great, intelligent people. Now I am just not so sure. The simplest of animals need to only stick their hand (paw, fin, whatever) in fire once to learn that it burns and to avoid doing the same in the future. Have we not learned?

I am terrified for what the necxt four years will bring. So many jobs will be lost. So many more will live in poverty. What the hell is going to happen to our children, who is going to fight for the things that they need (increased funding for education, and so many other things)? I predict that things are REALLY gonna be tight for a lot of people. And this scares me. Damn it, we deserve BETTER! We are (supposedly) the greatest country in the world, and we can't even take care of our own. Which of my rights will be under attack next (remember ladies, the only constitutionally protected right we have is the right to vote (19th amendment), everything else IS vulnerable and CAN be taken away).

I am pissed that 50% of Americans thought "Moral whatever" was more important than our brothers and sisters dying because of lies, sometimes alone, in a faraway place when they should be close enough to hold in our arms, not just in our hearts. How dare the American people not think that these brave sould sacrifice is not important. This should ALWAYS be the most important thing!! PEOPLE are what is important, not some ambiguous cop-out BULLSHIT designed to distract. FUCK! We ARE smarter than to fall for this shit, we DESERVE the truth and utmost respect from our leaders, and yet, we've been lied to and insulted for 4 years and we've asked for another helping!?!?! The most condescending smug BASTARDS out there hold the power of life and death over our soldiers. THEY sure as fuck deserve better than this.

Thank god my grampa died before this came to pass, it would have broken his heart. Grampa was a WW2 veteran, and he was a staunch Democrat. He hated Dumbya with a fiery passion, in no small part because he values the lives of americans so little, be it soldiers or the average american.

Oh god, I'm so anxious!!

2004-11-03T01:21:38Z

I am so anxious right now. Big plus - at my polling place, there was not one Bush sign to be seen!!! YES!! Pennsyl-fucking-tucky (as a friend calls my state) is going Blue - we are far too smart a state to do otherwise. I have faith in my fellow keystoners.

So, I think I hate my job

2004-10-11T02:16:55Z

I mean, I LOVE what I do, but I am sick of dealing with bullshit! I get mired in bureaucratic crap, and then my patient care goes to crap (in my opinion, I've been told everything is fine, but I'd just like to spend a little time getting things done instead of rush rush rushing around) because I am stuck dealing with shit that I just should NOT be having to deal with!!

My biggest peeve? We have a very big inspection coming up next month, so everyone is rushing around trying to get things up to grade. Ummm, excuse me, but all this shit we are rushing around doing should have been being done in the FIRST place!! I am getting blamed for things that should have been taken care of by my predecessor. I correct things as I come to them, but, considering I received no actual job-specific training (or job description, for that matter), there are things that are inevitably missed. And it pisses me off, because, if I knew what the fuck I'm supposed to be doing, I for danm sure be doing it!! I have this insane work ethic/pride thing that I've gotten from my dad, where I strive to give at LEAST 100% all the time, and this is just killing me.

The management in my department is a big fucking joke (there's two supervisors). I've worked as a manager, and what these people are doing is anything but good management. They are completely oblivious to what is going on, unless a problem crops up. The one manager spends his time writing his book (he is also a parasitologist), which is just so un-fucking-believably unprofessional, and the other only deals with things at her site (she has 2 vet techs who work with her at that site, and yet, for some reason, a pregnant girl from another site has to spend 2 hours commuting from her site to there almost everyday to deal with things that AREN'T her job or responsibility. It's ridiculous.

We never get ANY feedback except for negatives. I just did my midpoint provisional self-appraisal, and at this point, I have absolutely no confidence in how I am doing my job, because I've heard nothing about whether or not anything I am doing is good. I struggled on the strengths section. Me, who has filled out zillions of these damn things, and has never been at a loss for finding my strenghts, and I spend probably two hours trying to think SOMETHING up to put there.

If I didn't desperately need the health insurance (oncologists and every 3 month testing are NOT cheap), and need it for my daughter too, I'd be sorely tempted to just up and fucking quit. I had a lot less stress in my life when I was a fucking welfare mom, even though I absolutely fucking HATED every second of it. That's really damn sad.

My supervisors suggestion for getting things done (you know, the things that should have already been done) is "I know you have a kid, so it's hard to stay late, but perhaps you could work through your lunch, stay maybe just an hour late, or come in on a Saturday or something." Umm, hello, dickwad, you get my time sheets every month. You haven't noticed that I NEVER FUCKING EVER take my lunch, and I stay at least an hour late EVERYDAY!! I REFUSE to give up anymore time with my child, and finding someone to watch the kid on the weekend is nigh on impossible.

Spot has taken to telling me "I miss you mommy. I never see you anymore." She cries every worknight before going to bed, because I leave before she gets up, and she usually doesn't get to see me until at least 5:30 - 6pm. She goes to bed at 9-10pm. I see my kid, at best, for just 3-4 hours a day on weekdays. Can you imagine how fucking shitty that makes me feel? It breaks my heart into even smaller pieces each time. It HURTS me, and I can't even imagine what it's doing to her.

What the hell can I do? It's times like this that I wonder if being a two-parent family would help. At least, in having someone to fall back on (financially and health benefits-wise) should I decide to quit.

I need to win the lottery. I'd be a SAHM in a heartbeat, something I NEVER thought I'd want to be.

Migraines

2004-10-06T02:22:05Z

UGH! Migraines are back again! I went 6 months without one, I'd forgotten how much they suck! This one has been around since Sunday evening. Lovely. I always say I should see the doctor about them, but never do. My mom gets migraines all the time, too. And I can't miss work because I've already missed a ton this month. I'm off top try and sleep.

Post-debate

2004-10-01T02:59:50Z

Kerry kicked ass!

Debate

2004-10-01T02:14:55Z

Holy shit!! Kerry looks comfortable, poised, and confident. Bush looks unsettled, unsure, and he's rambling the exact thing same things again and again.

I plan on having a drinking game for the next debate. One shot for every time Bush says "mixed message" or "I prayed". I'd better request the next off of work though, because I'm gonna be drunk for a week afterwards!!

Back!!

2004-09-30T21:43:29Z

Well, the trip to Iowa was all I'd expected and more. I really hate my mom's side of the family. Always have, and now think I always will. They've always had this attitude towards my family like we are scum (mostly, I think, because we escaped from Iowa). We are scum, and yet, my fat cousin didn't even have the decency to wear presentable shoes; she wore fucking flip-flops (not nice ones, just cheap ass washing the car type ones) to the funeral home, and some sort of ugly hippy sandal to the funeral. I know for a fact that my uncle can at least afford to buy her a decent pair of shoes (she is 22 years old, she should buy her own shit, though she never has in the past).

But I did get surprised by one person. My cousin Rusty is a very dour man of few words (I've known him my whole life and I think I've heard him speak a grand total of 10 words in that time). I've nevr really interacted with his wife until this. She is actually pretty damn cool. It's nice to see at least one person (even if they had to marry in) in the family who isn't a joyless and bitter fuck.

I am never going back there unless absolutely necessary.

In other news, I got the results of my biopsy back. There was chronic cervicitis (which is nothing new, I've always had it), and an area of metaplasia, which is just indicitive of the healing process. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! No cancer, not even any abnormalities!! Goddamn, I can't wait for the next four years to be done and over with, this stuff is just killing me.